"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
