All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
