Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize