mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
