i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
