Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
