East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
