You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
