i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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