we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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