Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
