if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
