I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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