i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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