Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize