I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
