im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
