We won't sleep together?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
