JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
