I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
