I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
