ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
