The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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