What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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