Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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