i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize