He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
pop tarts are not kleenex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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