You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
