i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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