No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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