I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
