You can't motorboat a personality
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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