I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize