The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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