WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think your dad took our porno
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
