new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
