Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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