it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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