nut hugger
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
