Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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