My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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