there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
