dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
