you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
