Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
