are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
