Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
