you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
