he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
