if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
