"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she was so not down for the gang bang
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
