if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
