like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
