So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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