make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
