Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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