your thong is hanging out like whoa
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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