just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
