i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
