you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
