i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
