i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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