clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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