i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
