just come out here and I will go home with you...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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