is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
