You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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