Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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