yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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