Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
