I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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